What is reality? I mean, I know I'm not the first, or the last, to ever ponder such a thing, but seriously, can we ever really know what it is? I can't touch it, tastes it, smells it (Gollum anyone?), feel it around me, or measure it. It is easily as abstract an idea as faith, hope, and love and possibly even more to me. I've scratched my head about this ever since I was a kid. It always struck me queerly that I can only see the world one way: my way (you can adopt others views but you can’t ever experience everything the exact way they do. In this we way we are utterly alone). I view it through my own two eyes and can only experience of it what my body can sense. How often are my feelings wrong? Do I feel or sense reality entirely differently than other people. I have no freaking clue, but I would put my money on “yes”..and “no”.
I was having this conversation with a woman on one of my flights coming to Rwanda and commented on how odd a mode of transportation flight is. I mean, you pay a ton of money, for international flights you pay about what a decent used car is, climb in a big metal tube and proceed to sit for an extended period watching video entertainment and drinking...things...and then you get out of that big metal tube in a place you've never been before, or perhaps you have, and couldn't return by any other means since you have no freaking clue how you got there. You have zero bodily connection to your travel. It's like napping on a huge scale. I've been calling napping "time traveling" for some time now and honestly think that's my favorite way to describe it. You lay down, close your eyes, and then, as far as you know, no time has passed but your clock reminds you you're feelings are wrong. So weird. Is it just me here? Flying is like doing that while awake. It's super cool, but will weird me out for the rest of my life.
So, back to reality (that entire statement seems just a shade ironic right about now haha). The reason I even bring this up is because it seems to me that people define their entire lives by what they believe to be the most “real” thing there is and following that very thing. Why would someone stake their life on something they didn’t believe was actually real? No one dies for something they know is a lie. Or at least, one that they believe and know is a lie. I’m sure people would die for Disney even though they know it’s a lie, they just don’t want to believe it. Solipsism brings up the same idea, but that’s not what I wanted to get into.
Reality church stakes their lives, their name, and their reason to exist as “Jesus is reality”. And you know what? I agree. Wholeheartedly. If God exists, and everywhere I look indicates no other possibility, then he is the most “real” thing there is. I mean, how could the progenitor of everything not be the truest form of existence in existence? Even beyond existence?? I believe God exists in a way we can’t possibly begin to understand. We may be able to name it, or have an idea of it, but wrapping our heads around it just ain’t gonna happen. We don’t need to even get any farther than “omnipresent”. The buck stops there. I submit. No comprendo. I mean, being present in all places at ALL TIMES won’t ever stop blowing me away. The old saying goes “the farthest distance between two places is time” and the fact that God dwells within and without time, at all times, and sees it in its entirety while also be unconfined by it is truly baffling. My three pound finite mind wasn’t made for that stuff.
I was talking about this with the boys at the home one morning this week during bible study. I told them that God has “predestined” us because our language is inadequate to describe how he experiences time. Maybe we are predestined to go the ways we go, but I doubt that since we possess free will. This leads to the side of inadequate language and that if God is “omnipresent” then he exists at all times and therefore knows what we’re going to do because he already exists in that time as well. The way I have described it for years is that it’s like watching a movie you’ve seen before. The time comes when that character makes an incredibly important decision, they’re walking the knife’s edge, and you KNOW what decision they’re going to make but it doesn’t keep you from hoping, even praying, they change their mind and make the right choice. I believe God sees our lives in that way all the time. He is in the future so he knows what we’re going to do. I mean, he doesn’t just see the future, he’s already there. And even though he knows what we’re going to do because he’s fully present in the future, he’s also fully present in the now and is hoping, definitely praying, that we’ll make the right choice. He’s right there with as we walk away from his purposes…AND HE LOVES US ANYWAY!!! GoolllllLEEEEEE! CRAZZZAAYY!
So, logically, if I believe God to be the most “real” thing there is, and he says Jesus is his son, and that he IS Jesus, yeah, again, I have the idea, but no comprendo, then I’m only going to see things the way they are if I see things the way he does. Everything else is either narrow-minded, incomplete, or just plain false. Reality and truth also seem to walk hand in hand. When Jesus says he’s “the way, the truth, and the life” he’s also saying “I’m as real as it gets folks and I ain’t playin’ around.” Also, if he weren’t really God, has anyone else in the history of mankind with even an ounce of credibility had the cajones to claim anything like that and people believed him and then died brutal deaths for that very belief? They believed in the thousands, then the millions, and now the billions I might add.
But I digress, as usual. How real can another place feel real without knowing how you got there? It’s some kind of strange thing to be uprooted from your entire known existence and planted somewhere else with no connection of you got there. I don’t think people were designed to do such things. We are relational beings if we’re anything at all. Coming back to Africa has been a dream of mine for 3 years now, and now all I can think of is how much I miss home. How much I miss my family and friends whom I have so obviously undervalued, under-appreciated, under-loved, and taken for granted until now. The spiritual dimension to this has been massive, I’ve never in my life missed home like this before, but it was taken to another level when I honestly felt like everyone I ever knew was dead. Pretty apparent spiritual attack, if you ask me. That’s why I bring all this “reality” business in the first place.
My heart gets confused so often about reality and whether people exist or not. Did I imagine them? The only solace I have in not seeing someone I love or know is knowing they’re not gone from the earth, but as far as all my senses can tell me, they’re not in front of me so where else could they be? It is only on faith that I must believe that feeling to be wrong. Talking to people with oceans and thousands of miles between is just as strange. I know I’m talking to another person but I can’t see them when we speak. My brain gets it, but my heart misses it. Maybe that’s because I’ve always preferred talking face to face as opposed to on the phone. I’ll drive an hour to talk with someone rather than talk on the phone. I HATE talking on the phone, but when it’s my only option, well, I’ll take it.
All this is to say; I miss home immensely, but I won’t give up just because I miss it. God has made me to be here in Rwanda with these boys right now. There is major, major reform work going on in me and He will use my gifts, healings and woundings both, and my life to affect the people I come in contact with.
Failure to give my all will not be my reality. Jesus’s love is my reality, and it never gives up. Always hopes…
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