Gappy Hanksthiving!

This is a modified version of the email I just sent out to my support base. If you already got and read that email simply scroll to bottom and enjoy the pictures ;)

Once again, as I write this, I’m watching a rainstorm out the window. Rainy season here lasts from October to about…April. It rains most afternoons, almost never before noon, for about 20 minutes and then lightens up. This weekend though it rained fairly steadily and it was really wet. So wet in fact, most of my clothes didn’t dry out for two days. I wish I had room to have packed more tanktops…anyway…

These last few weeks, and this last week especially, have seen much more peace than my first week or so here in Rwanda. As November comes to a close, which is still a shock to me (it doesn’t feel like anything other than some time in July, much less the holiday season back home), things have evened out quite a bit here for me in my heart. I have continued to feel peace and no longer wake up thinking I’m back in Camarillo and have to go to work. That’s not to say I don’t miss home. I still miss it everyday. The people, the familiarity, and the nostalgia of the holiday season which I love so much.

During this week of Thanksgiving, only my second away from home, I have had cause, and time, to reflect more than most years for what I am thankful for. I am eternally grateful for my family. I miss them all terribly. I am so grateful for all my other families, you know who you are, and how they stepped into the gap in the years my family wasn’t doing well and took care of and loved me (and fed me!). I am thankful for things like broadband internet and traffic laws that people pay attention to. I’m thankful for meat, acoustic ceilings, and carpet. The list goes on. But today there is one thing specifically I am thankful for: we had a fire at the house on Friday afternoon in one of the boys’ rooms. He lost everything, but nothing that wasn’t replaceable, and the ceilings in two rooms burned out. No one was hurt but for a minor, minor burn on my arm from the doorframe, and we all got to pray together in thanks for God keeping us safe. The whole story is here on my blog, if you would like to read it.

As things have smoothed out and I have settled in a couple things are becoming more and more clear to me each day. Most of these realizations are quite humbling. I mean, when is it not humbling to find out you’re not as strong or as awesome as you think you are? The first of these is that I am not able to live in the home with the boys 24/7/365. As a social person, maybe an extremely social person, I NEED community. Not just bodies, but real, deep, Christ-centered community with others and in order to enjoy that they usually have to speak English. Only Gustave, one of the house caretakers, speaks fluent English as a full time resident here. The noise level is also brutal most days. I need more breaks than I thought I would. 

The other thing is that I am not able to disciple these boys in the way I had initially hoped by just being with them all the time. As they are on Holiday right now until January there is not a lot of structure in the day and I am finding it difficult to sit and talk with the boys to get to know them better since, well, they don’t speak any English. What this time in the house with them is accomplishing though is an established relationship and them knowing I am here for them. We have begun daily morning Bible study, prayer, and worship as a house for half an hour each morning and the attitude of the house has changed considerably. We also have nightly bible study with the house parents leading for the younger boys and older boys separately. More of this cannot be a bad thing!

All this is to say that as I have thought, prayed, and then done both some more about what will be best for me to continue here for long term, effective, discipleship ministry at HFLM is that my role will be shifting along with where I live. I just found out Wednesday that I will be moving in with my friend Jack to a house in Kigali just down the street from our other friends. We are SUPER pumped. Now we're praying for furniture and that the Lord reveals the best deals (free being our favorite one) and the best person to come live and work for us and take care of the house. With that, I am also praying for a reliable mode of transportation as the difference between paying for public transport everyday is close enough to a wash with owning my own transportation as makes no difference. 

I have been learning to ride a motorcycle and have performed well enough in far less than ideal conditions, and have felt pretty comfortable while riding though not without enough fear to keep me in line, to warrant looking at buying one in the next month or so or by the time I move into the city. Cars cost roughly 300% what they do in the states over here so they are not an option and after riding a motorcycle on really muddy roads with street tires this last weekend that is clearly not a great option either. Especially if I’m going to be out at the boys’ home in Kabuga 5 or more days a week rain or shine. A dirt bike is clearly the most viable option but they are not the easiest to find over here and are more expensive (typically in the range of 2500-4000 US Dollars) than the typical India made motorcycle. I have found a few and am praying for the Lord’s provision in all this and if it’s the direction He wants to go. I am waiting on him. While cars and motorcycles are expensive here they have one thing going for them that they usually don’t in the states: they retain their value incredibly well. In other words, whenever I do leave here, I can sell a bike for roughly what I paid for it depending on the use I put into it. It’s a very sound investment.

Many of you have asked what you can do for me for Christmas this year. I really appreciate the gesture to want to send things but that costs about $80 minimum to send a small box via USPS and it takes about a month to get here. If you would like to consider giving above and beyond monthly support for me for Christmas please donate to my Motorcycle Fund (this was my mom’s idea. Thanks mom!). I believe that to be a much more practical and effective thing to give towards the ministry here at this time. Transportation is a big deal! If there is something you REALLY want to send, though, I will not turn you down just get in contact with me, or my mom, and I can let you know how to best do that.

If you would like to give to the motorcycle fund please simply add to whatever you already give each month and send it through Breakthrough Partners. If you would like to donate please send a check to Breakthrough Partners 110 Third Ave. N., Ste. 101 Edmonds, WA 98020 with "Ryan Dalbey" on the check.

Where would a post like this be at Thanksgiving time if I didn’t end with this: if you are reading this, I am thankful for YOU. Without your love, prayer, and financial support, I would not be able to affect the lives of these boys in Jesus’s name at all. Thank you for helping me be on the front lines!

What to be praying for (If you're down): 

• Please be praying for HFLM, and specifically Torey and Hilliary, our directors, as we recover from the fire and raise support for a new section of roof, new ceilings in the burned areas, and new mattresses, bedding, and clothing for the boy, Baby, who lost everything. 
• For direction in this time of transition for me and how to best conduct, streamline, and minister most effectively here at HFLM. 
• For financial provision both for housing in the city (Kigali), and for a reliable mode of transportation. Provision for a great community to live with in Kigali beyond just my awesome new roommate. The praise is that I am making good friends already! The Lord is clearly at work. 
• For clarity in if, how, and when to move forward with working with the youth at the church I am now attending. 
• For continuing peace as I grow into my time here in Rwanda. 
• For the boys and our relationships: that they would continue to grow deeper in Christ and that they would come to trust me as I lead them with my life and the Word. 

Recent Images

Thanksgiving in Kibuye with One Acre Fund. Muzungus galore!

Charlie started all the boys with plots of land and we are all growing something! Everyone picked something different to grow but Charlie and I are particularly excited for our plot and our watermelons. We're gonna own.

The view from our stay in Kibuye.

New Friends: Ayla (just moved in down the street from Charlie for the month and is here starting a leadership initiative for women here in Rwanda.), Jack (who currently lives with Charlie and will soon be my roomie! He has worked with Living Water Intl. for the last 3 years.) Ben (our friend who works with One Acre Fund in Kibuye. Super legit guy.), and, of course, Charlie.

View from my hammock at the One Acre Fund house looking out over lake Kivu and into Congo.

In The Burning...

It was a fairly normal Friday morning last week.  Charlie had showed up and he and I were working together in the office on emails and various other things when Yassipy, one of the boys, came running in and out of breath exclaimed there was an emergency and we needed to come right away.  Charlie and I looked at each other with that unsure look of whether this was a prank or not but decided to listen and followed in Yassipy’s haste.  As soon as we entered the house we smelled smoke and Yassipy said “fire”.  As we ran into the older boys rooms we were confronted with a bright orange glow coming out of one of the boys rooms and, as we turned the corner, that glow turned into a raging inferno.

Immediately I yelled for everyone to get out of the house and to get water.   Gustave, awakened on his day off by my bellowing, came running out of his room sleepy eyed and panicked.  I told him we had a fire in Baby’s, one of the boys, room and had to get everyone out and then get water in there ASAP.  We were outside in seconds and were immediately filling buckets of water to take inside and douse the flames.  It was absolute pandemonium.  We were running everywhere and Gustave and I were shouting orders while Charlie was helping the boys with water and get the rest of our staff to help.  When we moved back inside we found standing in the door tossing in buckets of water was about as effective as chewing bubble gum to solve a math problem and were quickly outmatched by the growing blaze as it engulfed the foam mattresses in the room and choked us with noxious fumes.  We moved outside and tried getting a hose to spray in through the window but water pressure doesn’t really seem to exist in Rwanda, or at least in the quantities that would have been enough to put out such a blaze, and for a moment, I was defeated.  Throughout the ordeal thus far I had been praying the Lord would keep me thinking straight, as he always seems to do in such situations, but I was nearly overcome with despair as I watched the blaze grow and begin melting the roof.  I had no weapons to fight and we couldn’t stay inside to fight it.  The smoke made my lungs ache with all that burned polystyrene.  For a brief moment, I gave in to the fact the whole house was going to burn.  It was then, in that darkest moment, that the Father God came through.  

Just as I decided to not give up, many of our neighbors came and began yelling for dirt to be thrown in to smother the blaze.  The few of our older boys who were here that day immediately began throwing dirt and breaking in the windows so we could fight from outside.  During this time our younger boys, some of our staff, and many of our neighbors were clearing out every room of valuables and getting other fuel out of the house should the fire fail to be contained in that one room.  I have never, ever been more thankful for concrete walls in a house.  If the house would have been wood framed, like most houses in the states, I am as sure as I can be we would have lost everything.  I began helping move things out of the immediate vicinity of the room and then started fighting the fire from inside once more as we had people bringing in buckets of dirt so we could smother it in spite of the smoke.  Slowly but surely, the plan worked.  If we would have had adequate water pressure the fire would have been out much earlier, but our Rwandan friends knew how to fight fires without such things.  It was humbling for me, but it was a good lesson.  I am extremely thankful four our neighbors who ordered people to bring in dirt and to stop with the water. 

As the flames died down we were able to enter the room and continue to pile dirt on the remaining flames burning on the beds and the armoire.  By this time, the house was empty of furniture, clothes, and anything else that could burn, and we were closing it out.  The smoke, however, was still thick, and the burning rafters were in danger of falling on us, but the two other neighbor men and I in the room had no other choice but to move into the room and put it out in close proximity.  By the grace of God they stayed up and we were able to smother every last bit of flames in the room with dirt.  

When we were sure there was no more risk of fire spreading from the room I went out to check on other areas of the house and found Charlie up on the roof with a neighbor who was ripping open the eves in a corner of the roof and expelling a bird nest in there that had begun to smolder.  With the bird’s nest removed, and the crisis now over, I went back inside the room and took a hose to begin drowning whatever the dirt had smothered as well as douse the rafters and make sure no embers remained.  When we had made sure no trace of flame or fire was left I pulled as many of our boys and staff together as I could outside and we prayed.  We thanked God for saving our home, I live here too, after all.  We thanked God that more was not lost and that it was all replaceable.  We thanked the Holy Spirit for guiding us and giving us clear minds to deal with the crisis.  We thanked Jesus for our neighbors, without whom we would surely have been lost.  And, most of all, we thanked God that no one was hurt.  I got a small burn on my arm from the super hot metal doorframe, but that’s all as far as I know.

The next three hours consisted of taking the burned bunk frames and bed boards out, ripping out the armoire, removing whatever tatters of burned clothes and books were left in it, shoveling out all the dirt, ash, and broken glass, and then washing, scrubbing, and scraping out whatever was left.  It was quite the task.  There were only two things that made it out of that room unscathed; one was an integrated mathematics book, and the other was, naturally, Baby’s Kinyarwanda Bible.  When we found it a few of us began singing “there is power in the name of Jesus!”  It was a seriously cool moment and one that will stick with us all for a long time.  

As we completed our survey of the damage after cleanup the results were not anywhere near as bad as we would have thought.  Other than Baby’s room in which everything but the metal bed frames, and the bible and math book, were lost only the ceilings in the bathroom, the outside hallway, and a smidge of the common room for the older boys’ side was burned.  Three metal rafters going up to the tin roof bowed under the heat, and part of the roof bowed in as well but the loss was fairly minimal compared to what it could have been. The Lord really looked after us through all of it to the point that even the melted and bowed roof still kept the ensuing rain out.  It rained all weekend and not a drop got inside.  Praise the Lord!

What we have presumed to be the start of the blaze was either a faulty voltage regulator or the wall socket the regulator was plugged into in Baby’s room.  The regulator sat on a chair and, according to Yassipy, “popped” and caught the chair on fire.  Once the foam on the chair was burning the large foam mattress right next to it went up quickly and then the other mattresses and the armoire.  It all happened in less than a minute.  If Yassipy had not been here visiting while the other older boys were all out of the house this would have been a very different story.

All of this just continues to show God’s provision and protection here at HFLM.  There is no doubt in my mind the enemy wanted the whole house to burn down that day but Jesus stepped in and said “NO”.  What a miracle we only lost what we did and that no one was hurt.  Thank you for your faithfulness Lord Jesus.  Now we look to you, and only you, for our provision, healing, and growth in the future.  Amen and Amen!

All that was left in Baby's room after the clean out.

 View of the outside

Me and Charlie

Reality...and then my ADD put in its two cents

What is reality?  I mean, I know I'm not the first, or the last, to ever ponder such a thing, but seriously, can we ever really know what it is?  I can't touch it, tastes it, smells it (Gollum anyone?), feel it around me, or measure it.  It is easily as abstract an idea as faith, hope, and love and possibly even more to me.  I've scratched my head about this ever since I was a kid.  It always struck me queerly that I can only see the world one way: my way (you can adopt others views but you can’t ever experience everything the exact way they do.  In this we way we are utterly alone).  I view it through my own two eyes and can only experience of it what my body can sense.  How often are my feelings wrong?  Do I feel or sense reality entirely differently than other people.  I have no freaking clue, but I would put my money on “yes”..and “no”.

I was having this conversation with a woman on one of my flights coming to Rwanda and commented on how odd a mode of transportation flight is.  I mean, you pay a ton of money, for international flights you pay about what a decent used car is, climb in a big metal tube and proceed to sit for an extended period watching video entertainment and drinking...things...and then you get out of that big metal tube in a place you've never been before, or perhaps you have, and couldn't return by any other means since you have no freaking clue how you got there.  You have zero bodily connection to your travel.  It's like napping on a huge scale.  I've been calling napping "time traveling" for some time now and honestly think that's my favorite way to describe it.  You lay down, close your eyes, and then, as far as you know, no time has passed but your clock reminds you you're feelings are wrong.  So weird.  Is it just me here?  Flying is like doing that while awake.  It's super cool, but will weird me out for the rest of my life. 

So, back to reality (that entire statement seems just a shade ironic right about now haha).  The reason I even bring this up is because it seems to me that people define their entire lives by what they believe to be the most “real” thing there is and following that very thing.  Why would someone stake their life on something they didn’t believe was actually real?  No one dies for something they know is a lie.  Or at least, one that they believe and know is a lie.  I’m sure people would die for Disney even though they know it’s a lie, they just don’t want to believe it.  Solipsism brings up the same idea, but that’s not what I wanted to get into.

Reality church stakes their lives, their name, and their reason to exist as “Jesus is reality”.  And you know what?  I agree.  Wholeheartedly.  If God exists, and everywhere I look indicates no other possibility, then he is the most “real” thing there is.  I mean, how could the progenitor of everything not be the truest form of existence in existence?  Even beyond existence??  I believe God exists in a way we can’t possibly begin to understand.  We may be able to name it, or have an idea of it, but wrapping our heads around it just ain’t gonna happen.  We don’t need to even get any farther than “omnipresent”.  The buck stops there.  I submit.  No comprendo.  I mean, being present in all places at ALL TIMES won’t ever stop blowing me away.  The old saying goes “the farthest distance between two places is time” and the fact that God dwells within and without time, at all times, and sees it in its entirety while also be unconfined by it is truly baffling.  My three pound finite mind wasn’t made for that stuff. 

I was talking about this with the boys at the home one morning this week during bible study.  I told them that God has “predestined” us because our language is inadequate to describe how he experiences time.  Maybe we are predestined to go the ways we go, but I doubt that since we possess free will.  This leads to the side of inadequate language and that if God is “omnipresent” then he exists at all times and therefore knows what we’re going to do because he already exists in that time as well.  The way I have described it for years is that it’s like watching a movie you’ve seen before.  The time comes when that character makes an incredibly important decision, they’re walking the knife’s edge, and you KNOW what decision they’re going to make but it doesn’t keep you from hoping, even praying, they change their mind and make the right choice.  I believe God sees our lives in that way all the time.  He is in the future so he knows what we’re going to do.  I mean, he doesn’t just see the future, he’s already there.  And even though he knows what we’re going to do because he’s fully present in the future, he’s also fully present in the now and is hoping, definitely praying, that we’ll make the right choice.  He’s right there with as we walk away from his purposes…AND HE LOVES US ANYWAY!!! GoolllllLEEEEEE!  CRAZZZAAYY!

So, logically, if I believe God to be the most “real” thing there is, and he says Jesus is his son, and that he IS Jesus, yeah, again, I have the idea, but no comprendo, then I’m only going to see things the way they are if I see things the way he does.  Everything else is either narrow-minded, incomplete, or just plain false.  Reality and truth also seem to walk hand in hand.  When Jesus says he’s “the way, the truth, and the life” he’s also saying “I’m as real as it gets folks and I ain’t playin’ around.”  Also, if he weren’t really God, has anyone else in the history of mankind with even an ounce of credibility had the cajones to claim anything like that and people believed him and then died brutal deaths for that very belief?  They believed in the thousands, then the millions, and now the billions I might add. 

But I digress, as usual.  How real can another place feel real without knowing how you got there?  It’s some kind of strange thing to be uprooted from your entire known existence and planted somewhere else with no connection of you got there.  I don’t think people were designed to do such things.  We are relational beings if we’re anything at all.  Coming back to Africa has been a dream of mine for 3 years now, and now all I can think of is how much I miss home.  How much I miss my family and friends whom I have so obviously undervalued, under-appreciated, under-loved, and taken for granted until now.  The spiritual dimension to this has been massive, I’ve never in my life missed home like this before, but it was taken to another level when I honestly felt like everyone I ever knew was dead.  Pretty apparent spiritual attack, if you ask me.  That’s why I bring all this “reality” business in the first place. 

My heart gets confused so often about reality and whether people exist or not.  Did I imagine them?  The only solace I have in not seeing someone I love or know is knowing they’re not gone from the earth, but as far as all my senses can tell me, they’re not in front of me so where else could they be?  It is only on faith that I must believe that feeling to be wrong.  Talking to people with oceans and thousands of miles between is just as strange.  I know I’m talking to another person but I can’t see them when we speak.  My brain gets it, but my heart misses it.  Maybe that’s because I’ve always preferred talking face to face as opposed to on the phone.  I’ll drive an hour to talk with someone rather than talk on the phone.  I HATE talking on the phone, but when it’s my only option, well, I’ll take it.

All this is to say; I miss home immensely, but I won’t give up just because I miss it.  God has made me to be here in Rwanda with these boys right now.  There is major, major reform work going on in me and He will use my gifts, healings and woundings both, and my life to affect the people I come in contact with.  

Failure to give my all will not be my reality.  Jesus’s love is my reality, and it never gives up.  Always hopes…

Rest...REST?!?! What's that?

This Saturday morning, as I write this, is the first whole Saturday, I mean the entire 24 hour period, where I've had nothing to do since...probably sometime in April.  I think.  Thanks to my schedule I woke up promptly at the end of 7 hours of sleep and then immediately said "no deal", turned back over, and woke up at 10.  I can't remember sleeping that late since, well, sometime in April.  People have kept telling me I need to rest, take a chill pill, and relax.  Well, quite frankly I haven't had time to do any of that.  The times that I have had I've been too over clocked on everything else that the few short hours I did have were eventually taken over.  It seems I have forgotten how to not run at full speed ahead.

When I got out of bed this morning I was haunted by the thought I would have a whole day of nothing to do.  There was no money to be made.  No kids screaming my name.  My friends were busy, and I couldn't do the things I needed to take care of because it was Saturday.  I haven't had this amount of nothing to do since...sometime in April.

Where all this has left me, however, is at the corner of exhausted and blown out.  Everything, including things I love doing, have become tiresome.  Hanging out in large groups is difficult.  Leading worship teams has become more work than desire.  And doing much of anything requires me buckling down to finish.  The catch here is though that since I've been going so hard for so long I also can't seem to sit still.  The thought of being home all day is horrifying, but certainly no worse than actually going out and getting stuff done.

The good news is that I don't have anywhere to be.  Nowhere to go.  Nothing I HAVE to do.   I have to refuel the tanks.  I can't remember the last time I sat down with my guitar and just worshipped on my own for the joy of it.  Not to mention doing a cool arrangement of "In Christ Alone" in Drop D tuning. I watched my favorite show ever, Top Gear, this morning because I could.  I don't watch TV anything anymore.  It has been refreshing.

What has been the hardest, though, has been that with running all around serving God and such, I haven't done so well in spending time with the one I serve.  That's just silly considering he wants me to serve him far less than he wants me to just be with him.  That lack of time with God has resulted in a total upending of my spiritual disciplines and the consequential thrashing that comes with not being in step with the Spirit.  The Enemy has been thwomping me something fierce and I haven't had the strength, will, or energy to fight back.  That changes right now.

As I've been getting thwomped and wondering how I let myself get into this mess the same thing continues to become apparent: I am a sinful person.  I am not anywhere near as good as I think I am.  And I certainly can do far less on my own than I hoped I could.  Seriously, we have NOTHING if we don't have Christ.  I have nothing.  I'm nowhere.  I'm bankrupt.  Kaput.

The theme for Fryathon, the High School summer camp at Camarillo Community Church, this year was "A New Hope" ripped directly from Star Wars Episode IV.  If you know me, you know I know this movie quite well...in addition to the two that follow it.  I haven't watched them in sometime but I am continually amazed at how much more I glean from things, especially movies and books, the older I get.  Mark Hamill, a.k.a. Luke Skywalker, once said that in Star Wars the "Force" is "religions greatest hits."  Ain't that the truth.  What really struck me this time around as I watched all 6 movies in a week was two things.
1.  Han Solo is still the coolest character in anything ever.
2.  The Force is ridiculously cool idea.

The Force is the pervasive energy field that governs all life in Star Wars universe.  It can be manipulated, used for personal gain and such, but it is also living and has a will of its own.  I did a lot of reading up on it all recently but I won't bore you with all of that.  What I will certainly venture into is how we, as Christ followers, need to have the same peace in our identity as Jedi do.

Jedi know who they are and why they are here.  But most importantly, they know that they have absolutely nothing without the Force.  Yoda constantly instructs Luke that a Jedi's power FLOWS from the Force.  I will stop all the Star Wars stuff here.  The important thing here is that their power flows from the force, just as our life flows from the Spirit.  Paul talks about being "in step" with the Spirit of God.  It is not a received once, "game over", thing.  We must follow and allow the Spirit to flow if we are to have the upwelling of life.  Busyness will quickly put the kibosh to that.  We must be disciplined in how we pursue God, but discipline must not become our God since our love for discipline will run out far quicker than our love for God will.

To sum all this up, whatever you have to do today, MAKE time to pray, think, meditate, whatever you want to call it, and spend time with God.  Read the Word.  Know what He has to say by doing so, and know that he is filling you up as you do.  Put the right fuel in and you'll get only good stuff out.

Getting My Wings

If you're reading this at all it's a good bet you're well aware I'm moving to Rwanda in the fall.  If you didn't know that and want to know more please refer to the previous two posts on this blog.  They'll give you all the deets you can handle.  I promise.

I've never done a blog but even just in writing this far there is one thing I am well aware of and will be sure of which to take full advantage: I can be as informal as I want.  I can literall just have word vomit all over this text box and it's totally fine.  Why? Because it's my blog.  I can say what I like and most of this space will be taken as record keeping and external processing.  I'm a talker.  If you didn't know that you don't know me.  I need to say things to get through them well.  I need to talk before I talk if you catch my drift here.  What this blog enables me to do, particularly in lonelier settings, is have that outlet to put thoughts down in a way that is so much faster and kinder to my ADD/ADHD than writing by hand in a journal.  That has its merits but my goodness it takes forever.

Here's a story I never got to tell in any of my emails simply for the sake of brevity which I still managed to fail at accomplishing.  Whatever.  That's what this is for now.

The Monday after I met with Hilliary I called up my cousin Gordon to pray.  We do that fairly regularly and I really miss our normal Wednesday lunches we enjoyed together when I lived in Santa Barbara.  It would be tough for me to feel more blessed by our relationship than I already do.  But I've been wrong before.

Anyway, as we were praying and seeking the Father and what He had to say about all this Gordon said "I feel like God is saying...well, hold on.  Back up.  So my dad was the procurement officer on a navy carrier for a long time.  His job was to make sure that everyone on that whole ship had what they needed to do their job.  The thing is though that everything that happens on an aircraft carrier boils down to the hundred seats in that briefing room for the pilots.  The whole reason that ship exists is for those pilots to get out and do their job and so everyone else's job on that ship is to make sure those pilots can fly.  They are uniquely suited physically and mentally for that job.  They are highly trained and educated for it.  In other words, they do what no one else on that boat can because that's who they were made to be."  Then he said something that blew me away.  "Ryan, God is saying you're his pilot."

I took a serious time out right there.  When I was a little boy living in Long Beach, my parents would take me to the Long Beach Airport, which was right across the freeway from where we lived on Signal Hill, and let me watch the airplanes for hours.  I was obsessed by a single minded notion and dream of being a pilot in the Navy and landing on an aircraft carrier in the middle of nothing but water. I had airplane toys, I had flash cards, my cousins and I all had WWII bomber jackets, and I went to every airshow I could in Southern California.  I've seen the Blue Angels more than a dozen times.  I wanted nothing more than to be a pilot.  Eventually though the years wore away that dream.  My ears were a mess and my math wasn't good enough and I gave up the dream of being a pilot.

Now here's the crazy part.  Gordon didn't know any of this.  I had never told him.  Most of my closest friends don't even know about this.  How could he possibly have known how effective that word about God saying I was his "pilot" was going to be for me?  Answer: He couldn't.  The mathematical probability of that happening with that specific story happening by accident is just way too ridiculous to even think about.

After I told Gordon all this all he could say was "WOW".  I mean, what else was there to say?  We both shared such joy with the Father God in that moment.  God had not forgotten my dream, even if I did.  It may look a little different but it's the same.  If he says I'm his pilot, I'm his man.  He's got me for life.  The plane will be different, the place I'm landing will be different, but my position as "pilot" is no different.  I am uniquely qualified to reach these boys and minister to them.  I do not have other limitations that some people may have (i.e. I am single, mobile, flexible, and want to go), and I have the life experience to reach them about healing with their father's that many others do not.  I am the man for this job and I can say as far as I know that I personally know no one better equipped to serve these boys in the manner I am called to serve them.

With all this comes the part about the rest of the ship.  What a wonderful picture of the church.  An aircraft carrier, man.  A floating city (city on a hill???) that can go wherever it is needed and each person on that ship is gifted specifically to serve the mission of that ship (church).  I LOVE that.  God has gifted each of us differently.  That ship could not function without cooks (God forbid!!), mechanics, commanders, etc.  Those pilots mean nothing if the planes don't work or their bodies fail because there's no doctor around to help.  What I'm saying is this: As a "pilot" I can do nothing without the support of those around me.  Financial and prayerful support makes me able to "fly".   From now on you are my flight crew and as my friend Jim said, "you're deployed, now we just need you on station".  Amen.

The next couple months will hold a lot.  Let's hang on tight crew and see what the Captain wants to do and where He wants to take us!!

Email Update #2

Hi all, 

Thank you for praying for my meeting with my Missions Pastor, Kenny.  It went really well.  He and I pretty much always have a good time.  We talked all about what I will be doing in Rwanda  we are looking forward to having my proposal presented and an interview with the Elder board at my home church on June 8th.  Everything will move forward more fully from there depending on their decision to endorse and support me or not as a missionary from Camarillo Community Church.  That will entail financial support as well being able to present what I will be doing in front of the congregation and raising more support that way.  I hope to have a table set up to let people know what's going on and to get contact information as well.  

I have really been moving hard and fast on getting some health insurance to take care of my eardrum.  The hole I've had in my eardrum for the last 18 months or so can only be fixed by a surgical graft and has already been seen and diagnosed by my family physician and a specialist.  I have not had health insurance for the last three years, and have been off of my parent's insurance for five.  What this means is that I either get insurance or pay out of pocket.  Both of these however cost money I don't have.  The Lord brought to mind an old family friend this week, Ray Tuttle, who sells insurance, and was kind enough to give me all the ins and outs I would need to know to move forward with this.  I will need to get insurance with the lowest possible deductible, preferably $0, but the highest monthly payment.  Most of the plans I have seen put this at about $300 per month which is, quite frankly, well beyond my reach financially.  The plan is to get the insurance, have the surgery ASAP (hopefully by the middle of June, end of June at the latest.  I don't want to fly too soon after a surgically repaired eardrum), have whatever checkups are needed, and be cleared to leave in early September.

Where you all come in is with prayer first and foremost.  You all are my support, my team, my friends, my family, and I covet your prayers for me and your support.  This issue however requires prayer and action as well.  If you are interested in supporting me financially in this manner to prepare for my trip to Rwanda please email me back for details.  I cannot apply for the insurance until I have payment to go along with the application.  Please prayerfully consider giving to this immediate and serious need.  Having my eardrum whole again after a year and half will go along way to being able to be more effective in the mission field.

In other news my new blog is almost up and running along with new more exciting emails.  Seriously, they're so close…they just have required a lot more time to hammer out than I anticipated.  Keep a weather eye out in the coming days and weeks.  

I deeply appreciate all your prayers and support and pray blessing over you in Jesus' name!  This week's memory verse for me was 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18.  

¹⁶Rejoice always, ¹⁷pray without ceasing,¹⁸give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you. 

Email Update #1

Dearest family, friends, and people I live my life with and have shaped me one way or another, 

I know the title of this email has you salivating for details, or at the very least wondering what the heck is going on.  When last many of you heard from me it was January and God had just been opening up new things and speaking "freedom" over this year.  Much has happened since then and all of it has happened much slower than I would like and in ways I would not have imagined.  I thought I would know plans for the year by sometime in February and obviously that didn't happen.  But that's ok because God's timing is perfect.  It's like he just…knows…stuff.  I will do my best to keep this short, but will most likely fail miserably, as the majority of this is catching you up on the major things and I'll save the other details for later.  

At the beginning of this year I knew God was calling me back to Africa and freeing me up to move.  I did not know how or where but the only door I knew was back with Lasting Impressions in Zimbabwe working with youth doing outdoor and leadership camps.  My friends Shelley and Alistair Croudace and their kids just recently finished their stint here in the US for fundraising, raising awareness, and family time.  As it would happen I'd been praying about going back there for almost two months before they came over and I was looking forward to meeting with them to discuss the possibility of me coming back.  That's when I got hit out left field.

My former roomie and good friend Ty Fleming texted me one afternoon saying I may be getting a call from a woman named Hilliary about Rwanda.  Ty had grown up with her brother and she had just spoken at their church raising awareness and funds for a ministry she ran in Rwanda.  That was all the info I was given and sure enough the next day I got a call from Hilliary.

HIlliary is the Executive Director of Hope For Life Ministries (HFLM) based in Kigali Rwanda.  HFLM aims to transform the lives of vulnerable children living on the streets and their families, through sharing the gospel, discipleship, counseling, basic care, and the resources to break the chains of poverty. The organization runs five key program areas, including: 

1. Rehabilitation Center: provides transitional housing for up to 24 children, offering holistic rehabilitative support in order for each child to make a successful transition into a safer life at home. 
2. Family Empowerment: addresses the barriers inhibiting children from living with their families and offers families the resources necessary to care for their children long-term. 
3. Child Sponsorship: financially and personally invests in the lives of reintegrated children as well as those children still at-risk for abuse on the streets. 
4. Outreach: brings Christ to the local community by providing an opportunity each week for local children living on the streets to drop by our home and receive basic services along with a devotion. 
5. Equipping Nationals: aids the growth of Rwandan people to become Godly leaders by providing trainings and the resources to disciple the boys at HFLM and impact their communities.

 If you would like to read up on the history click the link or wait to hear about it in the near future.  She asked some questions about me and we talked about Africa for a while but she said they were looking for someone to take over her job as Executive Director so that she could move over to fundraising full time as they needed someone for that position.  When asked if I was interested in that being a possibility for me I didn't quite know what to say.  Me?  An Executive Director?  I told her I would be praying about it and get back to her soon.  

A few weeks went by and I felt ZERO peace about taking such a job.  What was refreshing though was that I felt at peace taking that kind of job at a later point in my life when I'm married and therefore have another set of gifts to work with (One Flesh!) and a teammate in addition to experience I will have gained by then.  Almost everyone I talked with, including my best friend Forest, said it didn't sound like me in that job.  God gave me total peace about telling Hilliary "no" and that the job would be better served by someone with administrative gifts and even better by a couple.  None of that was to say I couldn't do the job but that it would be better served by someone with those gifts.  She absolutely affirmed that and said they were looking for a couple to take the job but thought she would throw it out there for me anyway.  

We kept in touch over the next couple months and I was praying about what doors God wanted to open because I was coming knocking.  No more of this whole "God taking me to the door, opening it, and then dragging me through it thing."  This was now "I know who I am and what I wanna do and Imma gonna go get it!"  God has a funny way of answering those kinds of prayers…

As I prayed about where God would want me involved I felt it was only at either Lasting Impressions or HFLM.  I had been so clearly led to both of them and now it was up to me to choose.  At first that was a no brainer.  I had community and experience at LI and none of that at HFLM.  But then funny things started happening.  I told Hilliary I would keep her informed about what happened with LI and would keep her updated.  All of this I expected to happen in the first couple weeks of February or at the latest early March.  Despite being able to see Shelley and the family, which was awesome by the way, we never got to meet before they left for the midwest to see family and friends and raise support.  I even waited as long as I could and tried to get a last minute meeting together.  Nothing happened.  I never even heard back from Shelley and was so confused as to why.

During this time however I had a crazy thought; "Man, wouldn't it be cool to go and live in the house with those boys and just 'be' with them and disciple them?  That would be gnarly and out of my comfort zone while still doing what I am very best at."  I thought and prayed about that for a couple months as an alternative to being the executive director of the home.  I had been invited into the ministry to use my giftings and my time.  It was not a simple "sure, come out and maybe help some" thing.  It was precise, had purpose, and wanted to utilize me specifically.  LI up to this point had not asked me in any way to join them or done so in nearly as specific a way.  I started to have this feeling certain doors were closing…especially since I had been telling God the whole time he would have to very clearly close the door on Zim for me to consider anything else.  Eventually I came to the point where I said the only way I would go back to work with LI was if they were expanding or had specific need of me and my skills and wanted to invite into the ministry as HFLM had done.

About three weeks ago Hilliary and I were talking on the phone and I was updating her on stuff and that I hadn't heard back from Zim at all.  "Interesting…" was her response.  I asked her how stuff was going with the Executive director position and she said they may have found a couple to take the spot.  Then she said something I would not had imagined.  "I don't know if this is even relevant for you or not, Ryan, and I don't know why I'm telling you this, but we had a guy come out and just live at the house with the boys for a few months and disciple and spend time with them just being a godly make role model in their lives.  It was pretty much the highlight of those boys lives."  I almost dropped the phone.  It was basically VERBATIM of what I had prayed the last two months.  Oh yeah, I hadn't told her any of this.  I played it close to the chest.  She then went on to address things about community and bush adventures, two things I need, without me talking about those either.  All of this was in addition to our timelines for me wanting to go this year, and when they needed someone, lining up.  Not bad Jesus.  Not bad.

I got to meet with Hilliary a couple weeks later when she was down visiting her brother in Laguna Beach and we talked for hours and God totally confirmed my calling there.  As I hadn't heard anything back from Shelley this was obviously God answering months of prayer and leading me to the place I needed to be and where he wanted to use me most.  I know that God doesn't like to leave loose ends and as it happened Shelley and the family were at church the next morning before they left that week.  We finally had some time to talk and Shelley totally confirmed all the things I had prayed through and said she had tried to call me a bunch of times but the calls either failed or she had no reception.  Yeah, that sounds like a God sized road block to me.  All in all, everything was summed up, sewed up, and confirmed in a 24 hour period.  Not bad, Father.  Not bad.

Now, here's where that next step begins.  My intention is to move forward as hard and fast as I can with HFLM and I plan to be there for about a year.  Maybe it will be longer or shorter, I don't know.  We will see how it pans out with visas and financial provision.  I am applying through my home church to become a sponsored missionary and am meeting with Kenny, the Missions Pastor, this week to move forward with that plan.  I'm also shooting for being there the first week of September as Hilliary leaves to go back next month and will be there until the end of September.  Depending on if they do find someone to come and take her spot will also decide whether she comes back in November.  I would like to have as much time with her there as possible so I can be properly acclimated especially if I'm to be alone for a while after she's gone.  More details on this with will be forthcoming as well as financial support information and updates on how it all moves forward.  For now though, these are what you can be praying for:

• For preparation of my submission to the elder board and for my meeting with Kenny.  Please pray everything goes smoothly and that hearts are tuned into what the Spirit is doing.
• For financial provision.  I have a substantial goal in mind and am praying big.  Pray that God would turn the hearts of those to give and be part of what God is doing with this time.
• Be praying for the proper visa when I get in country.  Once I am in the country I can then apply for a two year work visa, otherwise I must remain on a 3 month tourist visa that I must leave the country for a time in order to come back.  People have been deported for doing that too many times and not getting the proper visa so please be praying now, well ahead of time, that I can have the proper papers.
• For my health.  I have had a hole in my eardrum for the last 18 months and need to get it taken care of before I go to reduce risk of serious infection not to mention recouping hearing loss.  Please pray for the proper insurance, doctor, and overall situation for this to happen.  Also pray for protection form disease while I am there.  No such thing as starting too early!
• Please be praying for my heart that God would prepare it to do this incredibly important work and that he would prepare the hearts of the boys in the home to receive it.  Also pray that he would guide me in what direction I should be leading the boys in the home.  I know he has a plan.  This is not MY ministry.  It is HIS and we are simply being invited to join Him in it.  Super awesome.

That's all for now.  I realize this is the most extensive preview/jumpstart/catch-up email ever but it had to be done.  God has been moving like crazy and I want you all to know all about it!  In the coming weeks I will be sending out support letters but these will be the LAST LETTERS BY MAIL you will receive from me (if you haven't received one before send me you address and you will).  Mailers are no longer a viable financial option and everyone uses email anyway.  That and it's hard to send actual letters when you're in another country.  I will also work to make my updates more visually appealing, concise, and just cooler.  Stay tuned for what those are gonna look like.

I pray blessings over each of you in Jesus's name and look forward to making more strides in this journey with you, my team!

In Christ,

Ryan Dalbey